Critical Conversations

May 21, 2025

Earl Weaver was highly successful for many years as manager of the Baltimore Orioles. During a 17 year career as skipper for the O’s, Weaver’s teams won more than 58% of their games, appearing in four World Series and winning one. His squads were both talented and fundamentally sound relying on solid defense and timely hitting.

Weaver was also notorious for his high energy responses to umpiring calls with which he disagreed, engaging in a variety of profane and somewhat “creative” outbursts and tantrums. His theatrics resulted in his discharge from 96 games, still third all-time among big league managers. In fact, he averaged being tossed at a pace of about one out of every 26 games during his tenure, essentially once a month during a season.

His demeanor with officiating crews was typically far from warm and tender.

We’ve all likely instigated as well as been the recipient of a crucial conversation. These discussions are often defined as those where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions can be strong.

Recently I had the distinction of doing some leadership training for a team of executives. One of the components of that training related to these very same critical conversations.

Crucial communications occur in a wide array of environments. In the business world it may relate to a dialogue between a supervisor and team member. In sports it can be a player and a coach. In the classroom there are teachers, students, and sometimes parents involved. For those of us responsible for initiating the conversation it can be one of the more unsettling experiences we encounter regardless of our role. It is also often quite necessary. Avoidance seldom brings about a resolution to the matter at hand, although there can be benefit to “letting the jets cool” for a while before engaging.

So, where to start?

First identify the issue. Are there problems with work performance and what are they? How is it impacting not only overall productivity, but the output of others on the team. What does the problem seem to be? Is it related to production or is it attitudinal and potentially toxic? Prepare for how to approach the situation, what you want to say, when, and the potential reactions you might expect.

Begin the engagement with a question to let the person know that feedback is coming. In other words, “do you have an idea as to why we’re meeting?” Sometimes the response is volunteered knowingly, other times it may be a mystery. Describe observations. “I’ve noticed your level of engagement has diminished. Do you also see and acknowledge that?” Or a coach might offer to an interior offensive lineman after a game that “you missed four blocking assignments in our last game. Before that, you had been averaging just one. What else may be on your mind?”

Include positive observations as to what is being done well. “You have consistently been a great student.” “You have established a high standard in customer service.”

Next describe why what has occurred is a concern. Demonstrate curiosity. A supervisor might ask again, “Is there something else going on that I should know about?” A teacher may want to know if a student is seeing and hearing all right. Perhaps there are some visual or audial challenges that have recently manifested and can be corrected.

Finally, invite input. The objective is not one to determine “who” is right or wrong, but rather “what” is right.

One of the worst things we can do to anyone is leave them guessing. The cold shoulder and inaction fail to bring about better results. Neither is the “in your face” exchange common between coaches and officials. Entertaining though it may be, it occurs in a different world from which most of us exist. There are ways that are right and better in which to have the critical conversation. Establish yourself as someone fair-minded, under control, and professional.

The Seed Sower Coach